When I was doing ophthalmology residency, I became friends with Ava ( changed name) who was a fellow resident. What drew us to each other was that we were so similar in our attitudes. We worked hard and we both loved to read great books(literature, poetry), we were apparently very organized at least more than most around us(we loved to make planners/ lists). We loved to hate our one particular professor who terrorized us yet we loved to laugh amongst other things. Yes! we were similar but not the same. She was so much better than me- she was confident, talented, beautiful, classy, came from wealthy and affluent family, had beautiful voice, was loved by all. I lacked all that and perhaps more . I was awkward, timid, plain, ordinary in all ways. I laughed outside but I cried much more when no one was looking. (I realize now, how many of these things are outer attributes that influenced me at the time were due to comparison)

I admired her but was likely jealous of her too. Maybe envy is right word. I felt- “why couldn’t I be all these things?” Still we had very special relationship. Of course since Ava was a much better version of me.

Time passed. We lost contact. I moved here. She stayed in Bharat. She is retinal surgeon now. We reconnected again few years ago and this morning I admitted about my jealousy.

She was surprised yet she says she was impressed that I admitted To something like this.( obviously I may not have done that if it wasn’t for the RAW). The interaction was mature today and after a bit of talking, it felt like sisterhood of mutual admiration!! Haha

We were in our early 20’s then. We have grown much older now. The way I looked at life was different. I’m fortunate to be a student of Vedanta which has helped transform my vision. Those outer qualities Ava had don’t matter now. The inner qualities she had/ has inspire me. I love her as a friend and always will. There is no jealousy now; i aspire for her inner beauty not outer.

Only because of my feeling of separation, I felt jealous. The more I try to focus on Oneness, the less I compare. The less I compare, the less I’m jealous of.

‘Love is bigger than anything in its way !’ ~ Bono