Dangerous Parenting practices-

The usual dangerous parenting practices which are much apparent are verbal / physical abuse, criticism, etc. That is obvious.

Yet there are number of practices which are motivated by love yet may not be good parenting skills.

The worst we can do for our kids is to NOT let them become independent.

1. Sheltering
2. 2. Constantly correcting
3. 3. Interfering unnecessarily
4. 4. Advising incessantly
5. 5. Nagging, criticizing …..to name a few.

This article that I read in NYT this week sums it all. Do read if you get a chance.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/04/opinion/college-helicopter-parenting.html?referringSource=articleShare

A paragraph from it-

“Those who intervene unnecessarily in the lives of their college-age children are typically aware of — and emphatically reject — being categorized as “helicopter,” “bulldozer,” “snowplow” or “lawn mower” parents. That’s probably O.K. I don’t think there’s much to be gained from assigning negative labels to moms and dads who need a bit of guidance on how to take a step back as their sons and daughters transition into adulthood.

I prefer to think of them as “fix-it” parents since their primary, shared goal is to solve problems in order to protect their children from pain or discomfort.

Their actions are motivated by love.”

My Parenting Journey before and after Vedanta

Not a perfect parent myself, I am constantly learning. Unfortunately I have spent most of my life being that notorious Type A. Thinking that I could control everything, I steered and stormed. Only when I became a student of Vedanta, things started to change.

Then-Four years ago as our son was going to join a Jesuit high school, we were concerned a bit about Catholic influence( dvaita). We forgot that Sanatana dharma is The way of life. He has been living with it. There is only Oneness.He has been student of bal Vihar and as parents we are trying to do the best we can to give them the best intellectual and spiritual foundation with lots of love. As we progressed, my faith in Him has become beyond confines of religion. Nothing else matters.

Two years ago as my son went on Yuva camp with Vivekji, I called him every night. I wasn’t worried but I still liked to hear his voice daily.

Now-This week he is at a mandatory Jesuit retreat- KAIROS retreat. Kairos means — Lords time.It’s the time for reflection and his Time with God. No phones. It’s a Jesuit retreat but he took a picture of Lord Shiva with him! However you connect with Him! I have not heard from my son in last days and yet I’m at peace and not concerned and worried. I pray that he is using his time wisely for inner reflection. The morning he left, talked about how he can think on- What does God want him to be? ( Purpose) Will his choices in life, will be in alignment with dharma?How can he be His best instrument? How can he best serve his purpose.

Reflections

Only through Vedanta I’m learning to Let go. They are God’s children. I’m just a custodian and I should do my best to nourish and nurture them, without sheltering them .Support them. They are the birds who are learning to fly. I can only be their guide, not their master. They have to let go of the branch I’m holding. God has given them the wings.

I’m fortunate to be able to walk with my children on this journey of life. I learn so much for them. May I always practice unconditional love towards them.

I keep Trying my best to absorb this incredible Poem by Khalil Gibran- Children

Sharing. it here. The best poem on parenting, I feel. It always makes me cry-

On Children

~Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable

………..

Like Swami Chinmayananda says- “Children are not vessels to be filled but lamps to be lit.”

May all our children find their inner Light